Cluster*

A Tale of Organizational Woe

Ever watched a school of small, darting fish? Or clouds of bison lumbering like small island nations cut free from the ocean floor in wandering traverses of unconstrained spaces? What you’ve got is a lot of movement without much consequence. Such is the organizational cluster*.

When you go full bore into the bowels of stupidity alone you get to bend an elbow and laugh about it later. One-upsmanship with a wry laugh and a chaser. Buddies laugh and play the game: “Think that was stupid? When I was….”.

There's no sense of ownership in a clusterfuck...you can't even laugh at yourself.

Clusterfucks are like the naked Emperor. Everyone involved realizes, or should, that somebody is bare-assed, but nobody calls it. So it gains momentum.

There are two essential elements to a good cluster*.

First an idea. It can even be one of your own. Later it’s always somebody else’s. Second, you’ve got to add too many people and leave out leadership. Like steam power, the idea is slow to build…extremely powerful…and not as easy to control as we’d like.

People “buy into” the idea, “get on board”… and remain clueless. They feel great to be moving, and damn the direction. They’re part of The Team and Making a Difference! Probably have cute little sloganeering buttons or banners that say so.

Then, into the vacuum created by lack of forethought comes foreplay. Group, orgiastic, hedonistic foreplay. “I know what!” shouts one. Another reveler cries “Yeah!! And then if we…”. Oooh, the ripples of pleasure!

Eventually somebody raises their head. Looking around over the shoulders of the rest they suddenly cry “We have to change direction!” The fish (or bison… you remember the bison/islands) jerk onto a new heading. And then somebody else does it. And then a couple of people have their heads raised shouting conflicting courses.

And it's back to the original idea….

Examine. Examine. Discuss and discuss. The idea’s carcass is beginning to bloat. Rot is lingering behind, unformed but casting a stench.

So people slip their best ideas into their pockets waiting to see how the wind blows; agree (and glance sideways…) or disagree with others' comments (but look statesmanlike for the Good of the Project).

Then comes the denouement (or climax, if you want to be that way): realization that nothing is going to be accomplished.

Next comes damage control, personal-style.

Drift away from center. Speak around your hand…. “Knew this was a bad idea.” “If Charlie or Marilyn had just gotten On Board instead of wasting everyone’s time….”

In some versions a hero type takes the stage to redeem the mission. The hero gets the faintly illuminated smiles and the “Nice Try’s” that come with the unuttered “… , loser.” Eventually everyone slinks away licking their wounds.

"Goddam it, this would have been different if it hadn’t been for Those Others!"